Broken Wings

Finished it...I might still add more, but either way I hate the ending but I like the idea...

....Pwease?

Thank you...^-^; Any suggestions on making it better?

Hmmm...you're right, sounds sort of....meh. *fixes*

....Please? ='[

Chapter Two finished! Please comment to death!!! Chapter Two – I stared at Sanji’s black pants, the silence weighing down on me like a sack of flour. Sanji was staring ...

Okay, Chapter One finished :roll: Chapter One – “Valeria!” She was standing only a few feet away from me. I could see her black silky hair and I reached out ...

Zinthia was the cutest girl I had ever seen. Her cheeks were just red enough, her eyes the right shade of brown to melt your heart. But she wasn’t cuter ...

Okay, I edited it and fixed up a bit of grammar and typoes. It had an area of thirty or so miles. This is too mundane. Perhaps use a descriptive ...

“Valeria!” She was standing only a few feet away from me. I could see her black silky hair and I reached out to stroke it. But the crowd of people ...

Yes, I do have more, but it is currently in editing e_e

Aero, the whole history part is her telling the story. But, you see, she is so greatly respected that interrupting her in her telling would be very, very rude. Basically ...

Thank you Aero, I didn't look at it like that. What do you think of adding to the beginning a little scene of the storyteller and the kids gathered around ...

Broken Wings, This story certainly has potential, but I am afraid that there are some things that struck me odd. There are grammar errors that can be discovered with a ...

Chapter One- Man Kind The shadows danced in the trees, forced back by the small fire. Ten faces were lit up by the traversing flames. The majority of them had ...